Finding Balance

I have always been an all or nothing kind of person.

Go big or go home.

Do or do not, there is no try.

The problem is, when I don’t succeed, I just totally throw in the towel.

Blew my diet today?  Might as well just eat whatever I want now….nom, nom, nom!

Didn’t get to exercise on Monday or Tuesday?  Might as well give up on this week and try again next Monday for a better week!

But where is that getting me?  Absolutely nowhere.  Well, actually, that’s not true.  I am getting somewhere…..less in shape and more overweight.

If I remember correctly, that’s in the opposite direction of where I want to be headed.

I’m going to try a new approach.  I’ve done enough diets that I know what I should be eating.  I’ve also learned what foods make me feel good and which ones make me feel bad (thank you 10-Day Detox Diet for showing me how good I can feel when I get rid of the crap in my diet!).

Instead of being on a diet, I’ve decided that I need to change my habits for the long-haul.  That doesn’t mean that I can’t ever have macaroni and cheese.  In fact, that’s the beauty of not claiming to be on a diet.  If I want macaroni and cheese, I *can* have it.  But as a balanced person, I can also choose to have a small amount of it.  Or choose to have it tomorrow instead of today because I already had too many carbs today.

As for exercise, I will treat it like sex…..get it as often as I can!  If company comes and I don’t get my workout in, the world isn’t going to end and my efforts haven’t been defeated.  I can just try for one tomorrow.

I’m trying to decide if I still want to keep a journal of my food and exercise.  I love being able to look back at what I ate and how I exercised, but not sure if it’s just adding more work to my life or too much focus on my efforts.  I want this way of life to be effortless….as if I’ve been doing it all my life


Day 1 of the 10-Day Detox Diet and how it went

The one thing I hate about diet reviews is they all seem to be done by people who “sound” like they are being paid. Either that, or the people sound like they are used to eating waaaaaaay healthier than me. So, I will premise this with I am not paid by anyone (this is just for my own personal amusement/tracking more than for becoming some famous blogger).

I just got done reading the blog of someone who did the beta test of the diet before the book was actually released. She wrote that her Whole Food Protein Shake was deeeee-licious!


Seriously. Really?

I was able to tolerate it and get it down, but it wanted to come back up the rest of the morning.

I wouldn’t call that deeeee-licious.

But it was healthy. I’ll give it that.

The only thing that I am not participating in is the PGX fiber. I already feel full enough with what the diet allows me to eat and I just didn’t want to take any more than the supplements. I don’t think that the lack of extra fiber is going to make or break this diet. I did buy supplement packs (from Costco) but I’m only taking one packet in the morning. And those pills are hard to swallow. The Fish Oil pill is huge. The next largest one tastes bitter, and none of those pills are coated for easier swallowing.

As for how my first day went, I think it went pretty well. This is what I ate:

Breakfast: Whole Food Protein Smoothie
Mid-morning Snack: 12 Raw Almonds
Lunch: Romaine Salad with veggies, chicken, and avocado. Dressing was a mix of oil, balsamic vinegar, Dijon mustard, and some lemon
Afternoon Snack: Veggies with Olive Tapenade
Dinner: Grilled Salmon with Onion Marmalade over Greens

The smoothie I have already described. My husband also confided in me that he felt like throwing up for about 45 min after he drank it (my nausea lasted until I ate my almonds mid-morning).

Raw almonds….well, y’know…..they’re okay. No biggie.

Salad with non-conventional salad dressing… was okay. I did hear that the balsamic smell was noticeable in the lunch room. Sorry, guys. I’m just trying to eat healthy here.

Veggies with Olive Tapenade….it’s very salty and the oil was wanting to separate from the rest of the mixture. I felt that it really had more oil in it than I wanted to ingest, so I used a paper towel to “sop up” some of the oil. After that, it was fine….but still salty.

Dinner was where I thought things were going to get a little……uh…..not so great. I had fresh copper river sockeye salmon, so I knew I was good there. But I’d never had arugula before and with no dressing on it, I wasn’t sure how it was going to be. Plus the onions…with apple cider vinegar on them….um, yeah…..

But dinner actually tasted really good. I drizzled lemon juice on the arugula leaves and tossed them. Then I skinned the cooked salmon and laid it over the arugula. And then put on the onions. It actually tasted pretty decent.


My exercise consisted of what I had started last Friday, which was a combination of two 30-day challenges. A friend had told me about the Ab Challenge and then I added in another challenge that works the rest of the body. So, yesterday’s exercise was 25 Situps, 10 crunches, 10 leg raises, 15s plank, plus 7 pushups, 60 Squats, and 22 Lunges (each side). Afterwards, I did a little stretching.

My thighs have been sooooo sore since I started this workout. My abs were a little sore, but not bad.

For my detox bath, I didn’t have lavender oil, but since that’s just for aromatherapy, I used lavender epson salt (1/2 cup) with regular epson salt (1 1/2 cup) plus the 1/2 cup of baking soda. I also threw in some coconut bubble bath because I like my bath with bubbles. I hate our tub. It’s so shallow. When I sit in it, the water doesn’t even cover the tops of my thighs. I moved around periodically to make sure that all body parts (except my head) were getting some time in the water. And I stayed in there for 25 min (which is longer than I wanted to once my body started getting really hot). I got bored just sitting there so I worked on massaging my sore muscles and my sore foot (I have plantar fasciitis on my right foot).

After the bath, I felt itchy, but that went away quickly except for the tops of my hands. I tried googling the itchiness but all I found was results for epson baths helping get rid of itchy skin. Oh well. I put on some clean clothes and sat on the couch with hubby watching tv and playing on my phone (yes, I know the diet says to stay away from media as much as possible but again, I don’t think it will effect how much weight I lose). As I sat on the couch, my legs felt very heavy and I was just relaxed all over. By 10:23pm, I announced I was ready for bed. We usually go to bed at 11pm, so this was 35 min earlier than normal.

I remember getting undressed and crawling into bed.

I remember kissing hubby goodnight.

And closing my eyes.

But that’s it.

I was asleep in record time and slept through the WHOLE NIGHT!!! That is a rarity for me.

Overall, I think that Day 1 went really well. Yes, there was lots of yawning at my desk…but surprisingly I was still alert (it might have been because I was having a busy day at work). My hubby confessed that, in the afternoon, he sat on the couch and was playing a game on his tablet and started to fall asleep. So, he got up and worked out.

I did the journaling but I felt the questions were rather lame.  It was hard to take them seriously and I found myself making smart-ass answers.  “What would my life look like if I were not addicted to sugar, caffeine, and flour?”  Well, it better look a whole lot thinner or I gave up that shit for nothing! lol!

So, we’ll see how Day 2 goes…..

The Blood Sugar Solution 10-Day Detox Diet

So, recently I found out about a 10-Day diet. I can’t even remember where I heard about it. It definitely wasn’t from Dr. Oz.  It wasn’t until I started reading the book that I saw he was involved in this.  Oh well…..I hate being seen as a Dr. Oz “sheep” but so be it.

This is not a diet for the normal masses….those who don’t want to do the work of cutting up fresh veggies and planning meals. And giving up all your vices.

I mean ALL of them.

And it’s not a cheap diet, either. I went to Costco and then the grocery store and spent about $300!!! And I still didn’t even get everything I needed for it. But the diet promises an average of 10 lbs lost in 10 days. I’d gladly pay $300 to lose 10 pounds!

The diet promises not only weight loss, but that you’ll feel better, look better, sleep better and be much healthier. The author even suggests getting your blood work done before and after the diet to see the difference, but I just don’t have time for that right now. I’ll just have to take his word on that one.

I should’ve spent more time prepping for the diet. I haven’t even read the whole book yet. But I really wanted to start today so I skipped some things just to get to the food plan so I could go grocery shopping.

My husband and I went over the meal choices and decided that we would alternate with the salad and soup options for lunch. Then we went over each night’s dinner options and picked a dinner for each of the 10 days. From there, I was able to compile a grocery list.

I am surprised I was able to cram all those veggies in the refrigerator (particularly the large bag of kale and the tub of spinach).

I went to work washing the veggies I would be using for our veggie snack and salads today. I soaked them in a vinegar and water solution and then rinsed them thoroughly. Then I chopped things up and put everything in our lunch bags so we’d be ready to go in the morning. There were several choices for dip recipes (for the veggies) and I picked the olive tapenade. After I made it, I could see the oil wanted to constantly separate from the rest of the mixture so a lot of stirring is going to be going on with my carrot and celery sticks.

I also made the chicken soup, which required me to cup up a chicken, brown it in a soup pot, cut up more veggies, and then combine all that with some chicken stock (which I luckily had plenty of home made stock in the freezer that I defrosted).  I had a taste of the soup while I was preparing it and I think I will enjoy it.  You get to have a green salad with your soup, so that should be filling enough.

Yesterday I took my measurements (before eating or drinking anything) because I knew I wouldn’t have time for that this morning. I weighed myself this morning and I was a disgraceful 181.2. My husband weighed himself and he was 210.

Last night I put the nuts and seeds to soak for our morning smoothie and this morning I got up an hour earlier than normal so I would have time to make the smoothies and drink them and get ready without rushing.

We chose the Whole Food Protein Smoothie which was comprised of berries, almond milk, nuts, seed, almond butter, coconut oil, lemon, and avocado. I promised my husband I wouldn’t complain….but in my head I am not especially liking this smoothie. It’s not horrible…..but I kinda feel an urge to barf it up. Ugh. 9 more days of this.

I have to exercise for 30 minutes, which was supposed to be done in the morning, but I will have to do today’s exercise after work…getting up an hour early was hard enough.

The diet also asks you to journal, take a nightly detox bath, take supplements, take fiber, give up media (yet encourages you to use the online community….which is a contradiction. lol!), plus you have to give up gluten, dairy, packaged foods, caffeine, alcohol, sugar, corn oil, and beans.  I didn’t see I needed the fiber until late last night so today is going to be sans the fiber.  And as for the supplements, I bought a box at Costco that is geared towards pre-diabetics that had close to everything this diet asks you to take so I went with that.

This is going to be a rough 10 days, but I am going to give it my best.  I’m already missing my coffee….would even be happy with some green tea.  I hope I don’t fall asleep at my desk today!

Upcoming Birthday

This Sunday will be my 44th birthday.  My fiance has asked me how I want to celebrate it.

I know how I will NOT be celebrating it.

No cake and no special food.

I read a saying recently.  It said, “Don’t reward yourself with food.  You are not a dog.”

I like that.  🙂

But that still leaves me trying to figure out what to do for my birthday.  We just saw two movies this past weekend, so a movie wouldn’t feel like a special treat.  And I have two appointments to try on dresses on Saturday, so we can’t just run away for the weekend.  I would love to go snowshoeing, but I haven’t quite reached the 3 week mark of when my podiatrist said I could resume normal activities, so that’s out.  Pretty much everything I’d want to do involves my foot being better than it is.

I could buy myself something, but I don’t really need anything.  I’m trying to lose weight so I don’t want new clothes.

So, at this point, I’m not sure how I will celebrate.

I’ll probably just stay home and do whatever.

Sounds sad, I know….but I won’t be.

At least I’ll know I’m sticking to my goal and getting one day closer to reaching it.

Bridal Bootcamp

Everyone has their own type of motivation.  For some, having a workout buddy is what helps.  Or some kind of accountability.  For me, I need only be accountable to myself.  I am a loner.  A rare female who enjoys doing activities all by herself.  I don’t need to take women with me when I go to the bathroom.  I can dine out or go to the movies all by my lonesome.   I shop for clothes via a solo mission.  In fact, I rather prefer it.  You would think being the product of a family of 12 kids that I would love all the commotion and chatter. 

But I don’t.  I really do enjoy the quiet solitude.

Losing weight, for me, is something I like to do on my own.  At my own pace. 

If I were to partake of some kind of gym “challenge” or try to keep up with my “buddy,” I would forget that I need to make sure that first and foremost, I don’t allow myself to get injured.  If that means that I don’t to that last set of pushups, then so be it.  I know my body.  I know as I have gotten older that I seem to be prone to injuries.

But I do like to have my own internal dialogue. 

Lately I have created some motivational scenarios to keep me going. 

The first is “Bridal Bootcamp.” 

I imagine that I am part of some bootcamp for brides and my imaginary drill sergeant is constantly yelling at me.  “Drop and give me twenty, maggot!!!” he says. 

Yup, maggot is my new name.  I am not a soldier.  I haven’t earned that.  Yet.

When offered a cocktail, I say, “Maggots don’t get cocktails.” 

Dessert?  Nope.  Maggots don’t get dessert.

I know that if I want to look my absolute best for my wedding, I must do everything I can to reach that goal.

That being said, I do know that my body needs fuel.  I eat.  I do not let myself get overly hungry.  That leads to binging.

I’ve even started making myself eat breakfast.  Currently my breakfast of choice is one slice of Dave’s Killer Bread (Blues Bread) toasted but with no butter or anything else (the bread is good enough that it doesn’t need it…..I never thought I’d EVER have toast without butter or jam).  I also have 1 hard boiled egg and a Chobani black cherry yogurt.  And coffee with my favorite flavored creamer.  Yes, the creamer is my one vice.  But I measure out the creamer every time to make sure that I don’t go overboard.

I am not counting calories, but I am trying to eat reasonably healthy and watch my portions. 

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go ride my recumbent bike.  Today is “cardio.”   I’m doing intervals and I like to imagine that a velociraptor is chasing me. 🙂

How did I let myself get so fat ?!?!

It’s not that I didn’t know I was overweight.

I’ve been overweight since I had my son 23 years ago.

And it’s not that I didn’t know what got me to this point.  In particular, I recall 6 days in a row of having rib eye steaks for dinner.  And plenty of cocktails.  And I found a great brownie recipe.

Yeah, I know how I got this fat.

I just didn’t realize I was THIS overweight.

For years, 170 lbs was my “oh shit” weight.  The weight that I would hit and go, “Oh shit.  I need to lose weight!”

But for some reason, I let 170 hit and I didn’t stop my bad habits.  Then I was 180 and was still eating poorly.  And then 183 lbs.


I don’t think my weight really sunk in until I saw myself when I tried on wedding dresses.  From the front it wasn’t so bad, but my fiance took pics of me from the side.  I was horrified by how I looked.  In my head I was like, “I just can’t look like this for my wedding!!!”

I also realized how close I was getting to 200 lbs.  That kinda freaked me out, too.

I think back to why I didn’t realize it.  Where was my head?  I weigh myself every day, so it’s not like I don’t see the number.

I see myself in the mirror every day.  The belly fat hanging down.

But for some reason, none of it was sinking in.

Was it the Spanx-type tank top that I had been wearing that was hiding all my fat rolls under my shirt?  Perhaps.

I really can’t explain it, but for some reason, I saw myself every day but I didn’t really see myself.  Does that make sense?  Probably not.  But maybe some of you might relate.

In my head, I was still in a reasonable weight range.

In reality, I had passed the line to obese.


That’s such a terrible word to be associated with.  It’s unhealthy.  It’s unattractive.  It’s uncomfortable.  It’s just……not a good thing to be.

Last night I took my measurements.  42-38.5-42.5

That’s a long way from the coveted 36-24-36.

There’s a thing called waist-to-hip ratio.  Mine is .90.  For women, .80 and above is bad.  Ideally, I should be in the .6 – .7 range.

But a little over a month ago, my waist was two and a half inches bigger.  A whopping 41 inches around.

I still have 14.5 inches to go, but I’ve already achieved 14% of my goal.  I’m 32% of the way to my wedding (from the date I originally measured myself) but I wasn’t putting in the best effort I could (skipped workouts and too much cheating on my eating through the holidays).   I bet I can do better between now and my wedding day.